Monthly Archives: October 2015

A long time until checkmate

The Zimbabwean situation, with its high unemployment and rampant social decay, has led many people to desperation. Many young folk spend their time numbing their senses with cough syrup (bronco, or ingoma in our local lingo), or any other psychoactive substance they can get their hands on. Many others have resorted to sports betting as a way of making a living. Let’s not even mention the criminals.

These guys, however, are sitting in a bar, none of them imbibing (as far as I can tell), and spending their time sharpening their minds with the ultimate strategy game. The one dollar bet is just an added incentive to the players, ‘so that someone can’t say ‘I wasn’t thinking!’ as Caradine says.

Poll: Zimbabwe O’level requirements

“…I’ve been amazed by the number of requests I’m getting from students when I interact with the public. They’re saying they want to be excused from Mathematics because they’ve done subjects that have nothing to do with the subject.

“Enough is enough. We don’t think it should be possible to produce an educated person who has no Mathematics at O-Level,” said Prof Moyo.

Do you think Professor Moyo is right in imposing this requirement? Take part in our poll and tell us what you think!

Death of a national hero: RIP ZESA

Comrade Motomuzhinji received military training in Kariba and Hwange, where he excelled in the modules of Light-giving, Electrocution and Food-warming. After independence, Comrade Zesa Motomuzhinji worked in the President’s office – a euphemism for the dreaded CIO – where he assisted in the interrogation department.

The secret service owe a great deal to Comrade Zesa, who could always be trusted to persuade enemies of the state – sell-outs, collaborating with the British to destabilise the country – to divulge their deepest secrets, once a pair of electric wires were attached to their lower extremities.

Bashing gays at the UN

Did ‘the gays’ destroy our economy?

Mugabe should take a leaf from Kenyan President Uhuru Kenyatta, who instead told the US President Barack Obama that homosexuality is not an issue in Kenya but rather that Kenya is worried about health, infrastructure, education and development etc.

And the sooner Mugabe realises this the better, a leader ceases to be one when he fails to address the plight and aspirations of those who elected him to be president.

Poetry: speaking truth to power

The young people I saw at Shoko had a different spirit altogether. They obliged. And that they did it in the environs of the party’s headquarters was all the more admirable and joyous for me. I don’t know if the festival organisers had a brainwave in selecting the venue, or it was simply God’s sense of humour. Either way it was a masterstroke.

I always relish any occasion where the ordinary, the weak like me get an opportunity to take on the mighty. It is always a moment to savour; to see the Davids have a go at Goliath. Hopefully we may see him stutter, falter, stumble, his heart flutter and maybe even fall. At the end of the day every little blow will matter.

Five things to do when there is no ZESA

We in Zimbabwe have a rare opportunity and like my mama always said: be grateful for everything you have. How many people can run around naked in the middle of the night? Witches have been doing it for years and I assure you, it’s quite an experience. You will feel alive, the cool air permeating the hair of your nether regions, and said nethers swinging, dangling and slapping like Adam chasing Eve for a peach. I usually do my run at 20:25; five minutes before ZESA is scheduled to come back on. The course takes me 15 minutes and no one has ever seen my goods.

Load shedding: Bringing the dark to the continent

The time is gone for Africa to insist she exists in a vacuum. We need to have some standard of reasonableness in our social and political structures, which I think is the reason we keep pretending to have embraced democracy (Nigeria gets a free-pass this time around).

Let’s agree on the basics: health delivery, electricity and education can be a start, then we add WI-FI to that list later.

In darkness we are one

Power shortages have been haunting African countries individually, and collectively, for years now. The whole of the SADC region is struggling to generate electricity for its 277 million people, yet the problem has been evident for years now.

Had our leaders possessed the mind of these two ladies, maybe by now they could have come up with solutions for the benefit of their citizens. Instead, some take advantage of problems to discredit the next leader or to prove that they are economic and strategic thinking experts.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with one trying to prove themselves as innovative leaders. Yes crisis situations are very good opportunities to show how one mastered the art of problem solving. However in some cases we should think beyond getting a pat on the back for being the wise one.