All posts by Jerà

Thierry Henry

Mugabe killed Thierry Henry

I remember – way back before Mugabe had killed the industries – I had a job and my office computer password was “Henry14.” Thierry Henry had no equal in his position. In fact, the less reverent Arsenal fan would say Thierry Henry was God. That is why there is a statue of him outside The Emirates Stadium.

Zimbabwe

A girl called Zimbabwe

The rims of her eyes looked swollen and red, like she had been crying. Her hair was chaotic, like she had just been out on a windy day. The multicoloured dress she wore – black, red, yellow, green, white – was speckled with what looked like soup stains. But beneath her harried exterior, I saw a beauty that overshadowed her evident predicament.

Zodwa Wabantu

Zodwa Wabantu wins, Zimbabweans lose

The Zodwa matter went to the censorship board. I imagine the board members drove all the way to the office in their $30,000 Ford Rangers. I imagine around the oval boardroom table was a neat row of mineral water and Mazoe Orange bottles, for them to sip on while discussing Zodwa’s weighty matters.

Karanga people bombed

Karanga people under attack – Zodwa Wabantu rescues Masvingo

My lengthy bachelorhood and living in Harare – which is a cultural melting pot – enabled me to date women from different tribes. I can’t say I found Karangas to be better kissers than Ndebeles. With the lights dimmed and Marvin Gaye CD rotating, Karanga, Korekore, Matebele and Zezuru lips possess the same texture and taste.

Mugabe stole my Valentine – why I hate February

Valentine’s month is the most tortuous 28 days on the calendar. The inane commercials, the red and black clad professional women, the bouquets of roses carried proudly from offices, more for exhibitionism than the need to take them home…

I’m angry and I want justice for the victims

The evidence is irrefutable. Where are the police, who do nothing but chase motorists at roadblocks – fundraising points – that outnumber traffic lights on Zimbabwe’s roads? Where is the uncle of this “Reese”character when his nephew is busy kicking women?